“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers