“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
