"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
