"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan