"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales