“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger