Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”​ –Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck