Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”​ –Anonymous
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold