“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin