Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald