Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.​” — Homer Simpson
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.​” –Unknown
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26