"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad, but New York City?”
Henny Youngman
“The worst moment today has happened. That was when the alarm went off and I realized it was Monday.”
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
"Every morning is good; it’s not his fault that someone didn’t sleep well."
– Unknown
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
“I smiled right after getting up. I think I dislocated my face. Good Morning!”
– Unknown
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
— William Feather
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham