“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
“I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized... I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?” — Margaret Cho
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider