"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
"Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand." - Unknown
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield