“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
- Thomas Dewar
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.