"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown