"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn