“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
