“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe