"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great