“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens