"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown