“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown