“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.