"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope