“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
