Funny Animal Quotes

Animal lovers will love these hilarious animal quotes.

Funny Animal Quotes

“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”

- Sir Winston Churchill.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”

- John Steinbeck.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”

- Kin Hubbard.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”

- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”

- Franklin P. Jones.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”

- Betty White.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

- Ambrose Bierce.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”

- Colette.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."

- Marilyn Monroe
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”

- Thornton Wilder.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”

- Charles De Gaulle.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”

- Ogden Nash.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”

- Weird Science.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”

- William S. Burroughs.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”

- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”

- Mark Twain.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”

- Eddie Izzard.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”

- Mary Bly.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”

- Sigmund Freud
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”

- John Lyon.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”

- Craig Shoemaker.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”

- Corey Ford.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”

- Phil Pastoret.
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”

- Lloyd Alexander.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”

- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”

― Tamora Pierc
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”

- Jeff Foxworthy.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."

- John Steinbeck.