“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.