"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown