"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis