""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
