"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
