“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson