I love you so much, you’re so perfect to me,
You’re gorgeous and smart, you make me happy.
Your talent amazes me, you’re so good at all things,
You’re better than anyone at plucking my heartstrings,
And now that you know and you’re in a great mood,
Please do me a favor and make me some food!
One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:
Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod
Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!
'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!
It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!
Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
After Stalin died, he met the angel of death. The angel explained to Stalin he can only send him to hell but he lets him to choose which hell.
"Do you prefer to burn in a capitalist hell or a communist hell?" It asks him.
I choose the communist one because there will surely be a shortage of coal.
I love the way you look at me,
The sharpness of your gaze.
The way I hold you my arms,
You keep me in a haze.
I love the scent you bring with you, when you come into my home.
You bring me so much happiness,
I can’t leave you alone.
You pale them in comparison,
The rest cannot do better.
You are my favorite in the world,
I love you so much, Cheddar.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that every time he drink tea his eyeball hurts him the doctor brings a cup of tea and handle's it to the man then the man asks for a spoon of sugar after he mixes the sugar he starts to drink tea then he screams as high as he can and say see doctor my eyeball hurts me
The doctor says why don't try to remove the spoon.
Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife’s face.
By taking down the Christmas tree.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals.
I invented a new word today. Plagiarism.
Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Intercourse!
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so too.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Birthdays are sometimes hard to observe
Many people think they are for the birds.
Well, when I look at your age
I can see why you are at that stage.
Where did the years go
Another birthday, oh no
It only seemed like yesterday
We celebrated your birthday.
Oh who cares about age
Don't let it discourage
Be happy and just say
It is just another day!
(Catherine Pulsifer)
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.
The government hates competition.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila - Four.
Five tequila, six tequila, seven tequila - Floor.
A Chinese Guy stands next to me in a bar and starts drinking
I asked him: "Do you know any of those martial arts like Ju jitsu, or Kung Fu?"
"Why do you ask, is it because I'm Chinese?"
"No it's because you're drinking my beer."
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Browsing my feed
I’m delighted to see
your new girlfriend is
the ugly version of me.
(Samantha Jayne)
For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
A dog and his bone was on the roam,
Where can I find this bone a home?
Will I bury it next to the tree?
No, too easy for others to see.
What about next to the garden shed?
Maybe in the middle of the garden bed,
Behind the sty where the pigs all are,
What about somewhere right away far.
I think I know what I will do,
I'll just sit down and have a chew,
Tomorrow will be another new day,
I'll find a spot then for the bone to stay.
(John Williams)
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
Why did the pillow cross the road?
It was picking up the chicken’s feathers.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
I wish I could be ugly for one day.
I hate being ugly everyday.
My wife screamed in pain during labor.
I asked, “What’s wrong?”.
She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”
“I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
A system administrator has 2 problems:
1. Dumb users
2. Smart users
If you’re lacking a little good cheer,
Go and tickle a bull in the rear.
For I’m sure that the rumor,
That they’ve no sense of humor,
Is a product of ignorant fear.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A talking horse walks into a bar one day.
He goes up to the manager and asks him, "Excuse me, good sir, are you hiring?"
The manager is surprised to see a talking horse and he looks him up and down before saying, "Sorry, we're not hiring. Why don't you try the circus?"
The horse says, "Why would the circus need a bartender?"
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
When is a cow hairy on the inside and the outside at the same time?
When it's stood in the doorway of the barn.
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
There was a fire in a yodelling school.
Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
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