Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
My ex husband went to a colonoscopy the other day.
Good news: They found his head!
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.