A mosquito cried out in great pain,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
And the cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I hate poetry,
But I am into you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You look like a donkey,
And smell like one too.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
He woke up.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
Why did the spy cross the road?
Because he was never on your side.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in India, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
I asked a French man if he played video games
He said, "Wii."
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
Programmer:
A machine that turns coffee into code.
Shoe laces.
Must attack at once.
Didn't know that was you.
When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
There once was a man from the Wold
Who loved drinking beer icy cold.
As he reached for his cup,
NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!
Oooh, snap! You've been limerickrolled!
There's been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.
There's nothing left but de Brie.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
What's the difference between marriage and a Journey song? A Journey song has a climax.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi,
So blind that he couldn't his foot see;
When they said, 'That's your toe,'
He replied, 'Is it so?'
That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.
I just wanted to make sure my mom woke up with a big smile on her face.
Now i'm not allowed to play with sharpies anymore.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
Red sky at night - shepherd’s delight.
Blue sky at night - day.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
There was an Old Person of Buda,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;
Till at last, with a hammer,
They silenced his clamour,
By smashing that Person of Buda.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m unoriginal,
This is all I can do.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
At first I thought my therapy for Stockholm syndrome was bad for me.
But now I kind of like it.
If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis...
Would it even matter?
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing and I asked if they were gay.
Then they arrested me.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
My astronaut girlfriend has dumped me.
She said she needs space.
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
There was an Old Man of Columbia,
Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
But they brought it quite hot,
In a small copper pot,
Which disgusted that man of Columbia.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
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