"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
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