“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
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