What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
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