Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
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