Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
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