What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
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