How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
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