Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.