I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
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