How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
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