How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
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