Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
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