Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Go to BabaMail
