How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Go to BabaMail
