Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How are splinters better than a man?
Splinters are a pain, but they go away eventually.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
What do a balloon and a man have in common?
One prick pretty much ruins them.
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
My ex husband went to a colonoscopy the other day.
Good news: They found his head!
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
Go to BabaMail
