What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
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