Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
My ex husband went to a colonoscopy the other day.
Good news: They found his head!
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
How are splinters better than a man?
Splinters are a pain, but they go away eventually.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
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