"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."
- T.H. Everett
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
"When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants."
- Mike Garofalo
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
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