“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."
- T.H. Everett
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
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