Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
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