It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
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