When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
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