Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
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