Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
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