Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
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