Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
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