Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
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