When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
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