A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
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