What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
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