How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
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