What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
You know what they say? Words.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
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