Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
Knock knock.
Come in.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
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