What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
You know what they say? Words.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
Knock knock.
Come in.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
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