What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
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