If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
My ex husband went to a colonoscopy the other day.
Good news: They found his head!
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys an extra case of beer. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.