The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack