"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
“Gardeners know the best dirt.”
— Anonymous
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's."
- Clyde Moore
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."
- T.H. Everett
