“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
"When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants."
- Mike Garofalo