“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line." -John Lyon
“You know, maybe this will be a good Thanksgiving. Just us and the kids. You cook and I’ll watch football with my pants open all day.” — Ray Romano, “Everybody Loves Raymond”
“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham
“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” —Robert Brault
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.” -Unknown
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld