What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.