Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.