Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.